Why I Don't Wear Makeup

It has been around 4 months since I decided to stop wearing makeup, or at least to the extent I was used to wearing. I used to wear a full face of makeup ever since spring 2015, when my skin started to break out. Not only would I wear foundation to hide the pimples and red marks on my face, I found refuge through eye makeup and lipstick also. I was known for my makeup skills, and would be complimented on how I pulled off such a bold color like blue (the trick is to BLEND). It became my statement to wear dark or bright lips and a colorful eyeshadow without looking clown-like. It was a skill I found adoration for and created every day.

Wearing makeup every day and wearing such fun colors, I didn’t actually realize how dependent I became on makeup. I would never leave my room without foundation on, and once I had foundation on, it looked weird without my eyebrows done, mascara combed, and highlight blinding. I didn’t want anyone to see how I looked without my acne concealed and my eyes distracting.

In January, I broke down from all the anxiety my acne gave me. I wanted to wear it because I wanted to, but that desire was replaced by the need and feeling I looked ugly without it. I created an appointment for the dermatologist the next day to see what she thought of my skin, and what I could possibly do to get rid of my biggest insecurity.

The next morning, I don’t know if it was God testing me or some other higher being, but my alarm clock didn’t go off, and I woke up 20 minutes before class would start. The only thing I could do was wash my face, put sunscreen on, change and run out the door. I couldn’t put a single drop of foundation on without being late to a class that I have skipped too many times to consider skipping again for the sake of not being seen without makeup.

I felt like everyone was staring at me, judging the acne that was bearing my face. However, I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I’d be. Wearing makeup, I thought everyone was staring at my acne just as much as I thought they were when I wasn’t wearing makeup. So that was it. That was the end of me wearing a full face of makeup every day.

I’m not saying I never wear makeup anymore. I still wear a bit of concealer on some of my redder areas and I never forget to put on some Glossier highlighter on my cheekbones. But my scarring is always visible now. Everyone can see it. I still think about this, especially when I go to a public restroom that has lighting made specifically by Satan himself. But I have to remind myself that acne is natural, and scarring is my only problem. I don’t have bumps anymore, nor do I have any areas that need foundation.

The reason I am writing this is mostly because every article titled along the lines of why the writer never wears makeup is written by a 32-year-old with clear skin and no wrinkles. These women, although I am not discrediting their insecurities are definitely not the women I seek to find the confidence to not wear makeup with my bad acne.

I might not even be the woman you seek answers from anymore, since my skin has significantly improved since the beginning of the year. However, I have not read a single post written from a teenager with more than three tiny zits on their chin about how to not wear makeup and still feel pretty. What I can tell you is that you do start feeling better about your skin. It is inevitable. My skin was terrible and bumpy in the winter, and I cannot tell you if it’s because I don’t cake foundation on anymore, but my skin is smooth now; all I worry about is the scarring all the zits left behind. However, if I don’t pass a mirror, I don’t think about it at all. It’s as though it doesn’t even exist anymore. No reason to worry about something that can’t be changed in a matter of minutes.

The key to finding beauty in acne is finding beauty with everything around it. Wear your favorite outfit, put on your prettiest jewelry, spray on your best perfume, and smack on your glossiest lip balm. Now, I am confident to post photos of my glistening scars.

Scars are natural, everyone gets red. Anyone who judges you for having acne is the one who should change. Change their mindset, attitudes and ideas of the real world. Only change for yourself; if you want clear skin, strive for it. If you are tired of wearing foundation, don’t put it on. If you love putting eyeshadow on, keep it for a special occasion to keep it exciting. If I can find the confidence to not wear a full face of makeup every day, I guarantee you can too. It took much of me to find that confidence, and somehow in one day, it all changed. I hope you find that confidence too.