Update on 2018

Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of putting many, many things above my blog. The reason why it is so unfortunate is because I genuinely think about it so many times. I feel like although not many big, exciting things are changing in my life, my life is too busy to become the full time blogger that I wish to be. However, with that being said, it is still a personal blog, where I shall be able to look at in the future, so I shall put everything that has changed, rearranged and maybe stayed the same for better or for worse in my life all in this post. If you care to read, much appreciated.

1. I finally had my first relationship. Yes, it was an open one with no titles; however, this guy meant so much to me, that we both learned that saying “I love you” won’t harm us. Being a woman who declares herself as a sexually and romantically free woman has some downfalls. For one, men come in and out of my life as quickly as I please and sometimes displease. He actually met me when I was falling into depression because of how screwed up my love life was and how I realized that the only thing changing in my life was men, and it exhausted me. Although we are no longer together, I will always remember the five months I spent loving and being loved, having an anchor, and having someone see my flaws and still love them vice versa. I am too used to infatuation, and he showed me love isn’t that. I might go in more depth on this topic, or even start a love series, because honestly I feel like Carrie of the millennial Chicago crowd.

2. I am moving to Rome. Although it is for a study abroad program, and I have no experience in roman culture or the Italian language just yet, I do believe the application has shown me a lot. I cannot depend on my parents to get my passport done, I cannot depend on anyone to get my medicine refilled, and I cannot depend on my teachers to make sure my grades live up to the program’s standards. Honestly, that was a great way to transition to #3

3. I kicked ass last semester. In order to take fun, easy classes in Rome so I can fully submerge in the culture, I have been taking really f * cking hard classes this year. Last semester I took Management, Finance, Macroeconomics and Accounting all at once and didn’t get less than a B. I honestly thought at least one of them I would fail, considering each teacher warned that half the class drops by midterms and then 30% of the remaining still fail. And this was all during a time when I seriously had issues of staying in during the weekend. Speaking of,

4. I have gone out. A lot. Being someone who doesn’t necessarily have FOMO [fear of missing out], it took me too long to learn how to say no to going out, or even to learn if there isn’t a party or event going on that is publicly known, then there is no point in searching, or worse, creating one. Trust me when I say creating a party is fun until you start doing it all the time, seeing the same people show up, and then suddenly everything is monotonous. Now, I go out maybe once a weekend, and it’s something I have known about for a while. It has to be worth my while and stimulating; not a sudden event I doubt will even be worth the trouble of getting ready and going to.

5. I changed my friend group. For a long time, since the ending of August, I have wanted to change my group of friends. I didn’t have the courage, because although nothing we did ever truly made me happy and inspired, I couldn’t just leave a group of girls who loved me and treated me well enough. However, I have learned that sometimes leaving is okay. I wasn’t happy, but I was scared because I assumed everyone goes through the phase of not enjoying their group and mine was just a bit longer than others. I didn’t like (most of) the parties, I didn’t like (most of) the people, and I didn’t like (any of) the drugs. Thankfully, I found the strength to finally say it’s better to be alone than be surrounded and unhappy. I still have friends in that scene, I just took time in choosing not only who I genuinely care about, but who I believe cares about me and encourages me to be the best I can be.

I feel like there are rarely events in my life I say “that right there changed me”. I know years from now I won’t remember how deciding to walk away from the man I dated for five months and the group of friends I had for a full year would force me into becoming the woman I have yet to become, but I need to remember these events did occur. I didn’t run away out of fear, but I had put time and thought into my decisions and truly thought to myself what would be best for me. It’s scary, because those two parts of my life, love and friendship, are two of the most important elements a person can have. And letting go of both, especially around the same time, is a scary decision to make. But if it is the right one, that’s all you can do.

Hopefully with all this free time, I will be able to blog a bit more. I have some ideas in my head as of now, but ideas being in my head is one thing, and writing them down is another. Until next time.